playing hooky
sometimes the one thing you need is to take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while (billy joel, vienna for those unfamiliar). that is precisely what i did today. and i feel okay. it started to ran, as if mirroring my mood, which has made me change my workout plans from a light jog to intense yoga. no worries, its friday, and tomorrow is yet another day.
i found myself lost in the world of another book today, in between my napping, and i was outside the realm of the city for a few hours. how nice it must be to travel whenever you want to, to blindly pursue what feels right in your heart, to just go for it. to some i am highly impractical in nature and to others i am too methodological in nature and i am dying for someone to notice that i am working on the balance of the two.
i have been broken, like a horse, into the monotony of the public education system in new york. and i know how i would have felt about it two years ago, but i am not sure how i feel about it now. it's funny how in less than a year, your belief structure can be called into question and the outward expression of self changes so rapidly to keep up that you suddenly fin yourself lost in a world that will always continue to move forward. politics, friendliness, values, intrinsic beliefs, spirituality, everything you have known yourself to be, is questioned and, being wholly unprepared for the fight, you find yourself reluctantly submitting to the very things you fought against. secrecy, deceit, competition, and dormant rebellion has replaced honesty, clairvoyance, truth, and an unnerving ability to articulate those truths in all circumstances. i am struggling to find the balance between playing their game and winning at my own. and i admit, i am currently losing.
i found myself lost in the world of another book today, in between my napping, and i was outside the realm of the city for a few hours. how nice it must be to travel whenever you want to, to blindly pursue what feels right in your heart, to just go for it. to some i am highly impractical in nature and to others i am too methodological in nature and i am dying for someone to notice that i am working on the balance of the two.
i have been broken, like a horse, into the monotony of the public education system in new york. and i know how i would have felt about it two years ago, but i am not sure how i feel about it now. it's funny how in less than a year, your belief structure can be called into question and the outward expression of self changes so rapidly to keep up that you suddenly fin yourself lost in a world that will always continue to move forward. politics, friendliness, values, intrinsic beliefs, spirituality, everything you have known yourself to be, is questioned and, being wholly unprepared for the fight, you find yourself reluctantly submitting to the very things you fought against. secrecy, deceit, competition, and dormant rebellion has replaced honesty, clairvoyance, truth, and an unnerving ability to articulate those truths in all circumstances. i am struggling to find the balance between playing their game and winning at my own. and i admit, i am currently losing.
